They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
