Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
