why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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