When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
