at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
