just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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