She is in my trunk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
