The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have aggressive nipples.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
