apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
