would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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