I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
