he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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