I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
