I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
