oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
