She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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