He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
