"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
