I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
