How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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