Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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