my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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