Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
