i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
