She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
