It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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