Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
