What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
birth control should be required to get into college
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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