i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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