I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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