wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
