Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
