i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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