thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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