You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
