i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
