I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
