some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
