sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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