just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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