and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
