I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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