What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
