im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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