The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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