I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
