So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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