I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
