girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
