i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
