the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
