why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
