I could make wine with my vomit
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
