Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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