His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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