Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
