you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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