so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
