I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
